The evils of instant coffee

The first thing that happened to me yesterday morning was having my religion insulted. Well not exactly the first thing…

I’d just got into work bleary eyed, was going to make my coffee (which involves a bean grinder and a cafetiere) and I was first insulted for not drinking instant coffee and second for how rubbish Christianity is.

I turned the other cheek and went on my way, spent most of the rest of the day in a foul mood till I came home and had a G&T.

Well now I’m thinking about it again. The link between the two is philistinism, drinking instant coffee is bad enough, but to be proud of it, to insult people who drink real coffee just because it takes a minute longer to make…

Quite frankly its a crime against God, coffee beans were created by God with a fullness of taste, a zest, a vibrancy of taste and stimulation, for people like me who every morning feel like Lazarus stumbling out of the tomb wrapped in grave clothes. To slander real coffee is to slander the creator of the coffee bean.

That this attack was naturally followed by a blasé insult against the faith should come as no surprise. Instant coffee and atheism go hand in hand. Both are fake, man made and poor substitutes.

If I had the wit at that time of the morning I’d have said that at the time, but I am forced by way of the humour of the staircase to relate this here. Also personally I am a staunch believer in keeping the silence till at least 11am when people have checked that they have the same number of limbs that they went to bed with and have remembered that they are a member of the human race.

So then Atheism, yes one of the great lies propagated by Dawkins et al is the idea that atheism is the natural base state of humanity. To that I say HA! The percentage of world population who profess such a strange and tragic belief system is tiny. I was reminded of St Thomas More’s Utopia where the only belief system which was beyond the pale was atheism.

Of the worlds population only 16% are non religious of which probably only a few percent of that are full atheists, yes everyone else is religious. 33% are Christian of which roughly half are Catholic. 21% are Islamic, 14% are Hindu, 6% Buddhist, 6% are traditional Chinese.

Even more interestingly 6% are down as primal, perhaps comprised of animists, voodoo and shamanistic beliefs, that is probably more likely the natural state of people who have not encountered religion, perhaps that is why there is a resurgence in the “new age” in the west. I’m not so sure how accurate those figures are but I got them from here.

(Incidentally there is an amusing link on that page for God’s true Church… I had a good chuckle, good to see batty protestantism is alive and well.)

Atheism is not natural, the natural instinct of all of humanity is to look beyond, to climb the hill and look over to the other side. We climb the mountain of life to look over death to see something on the other side. That atheists can’t see anything on the other side is their tragic loss, frankly I think the vast majority haven’t looked hard enough if at all. They would far rather indulge in philistinism, be smug and instead attack people who have found something that gives their life meaning.

So why did I get so annoyed? I should remind myself that this kind of thing is par for the course of being Christian. Well on thinking on that I got to thinking how it made me feel and what that feeling equates to.

The only thing that the feeling compares to is if someone insulted your family. To insult Christianity, if you are a Catholic, is to insult a Catholic’s family. Our priests are called father, our fellow Christians brothers and sisters in Christ, our pope is the holy father, the Church is holy mother Church and Mary is the mother of the Church.

Another retort I thought of after the fact was; find me someone else who can raise the dead, feed a crowd with a packed lunch, walk on water, heal the sick by touching them, turn water into wine, cast out demons with a word and rise from the dead and I’ll happily follow him too. We did not invent Christianity, we follow Jesus. He is God and we follow after him, we only believe what we believe because Jesus showed us he was God.

So to anyone out there who is interested, why not try life full of beans, try Catholicism! now if only I had my own brand of coffee to shamelessly endorse 😀


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