Respectability? I’d rather be Catholic.

How sad is this article?  I only read it because I thought it was going to make a deep and insightful point about how Catholicism is seen as subversive in England and is for repentant sinners, not for the English obsessed with appearing to be respectable. But no it was about Hilary Mantel’s rather tragic loss of faith.

It was also interesting to note how the paedophilia scandal was used as a cover for her loss of faith, the real loss of faith was due to cold priests and nuns and a lack of warmth in her childhood, the final straw of which is the contempt and cynicism shown for the doctrine of transubstantiation. Now by admission she is a workaholic writing books about Oliver Cromwell (a rather nasty piece of work who seems to escape scrutiny in England for all his crimes) What is the betting Oliver Cromwell is a hero in her books?

It can be so easy to lose faith, to become cynical and hardhearted in this world. Priests have the hardest job in the world, we expect them to be sensitive to us even when we don’t tell them why we have vulnerabilities. My parish priest keeps nagging me to go to daily mass. Something I probably should do since I have nothing better to do, but I get so depressed and agoraphobic and have a sleeping pattern of a Martian that even though I’m not working I struggle to get to daily mass and I don’t feel I can talk to my priest about why.

In fact I only get to Sunday Mass because I know my faith and my emotional survival utterly depend upon it, its an evening mass and I can get myself geared up for it emotionally. Even though its been years since I failed my Sunday obligation the devil still nags me not to bother going to Church. “Don’t bother, God doesn’t love you, God doesn’t want you, you are such a sinner there is no point” but that voice has to be batted away for the despicable liar that it is.

Faith can be a struggle and it is when things in life are at the most difficult, when we are on the brink of despair, that we need God the most. We need to understand that the devil will always attack when we are at our weakest, because he hates us, and that God is closest to the weak. Not the ones who think themselves respectable, Jesus was very clear about what he thought of that. Hypocrites!

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