Well I’ve had two bad colds in the last two weeks forcing me to miss both Mass and Therapy. I’ve spent far too much money on a birthday party, two pairs of trousers and a game called Borderlands 2 (which is really good). I’ve been up and down emotionally with my transsexualism, mainly because a woman who I’ve been pining over for ages expressed interest a short while ago but I’m worried that whilst I’ve told her I am transsexual this hasn’t completely sunk in with her. Part of me wants to be the man she wants, but part of me knows that would be a lie and lead to grief for both of us. Would she be able to cope with me as a woman?
I do wonder if this is too much information but I’m going to plow on anyway: The pull of procreation is so strong with me and I would only want to have sex change surgery after the third child, (God willing, I know fertility isn’t always so simple) and would patronise a sperm bank before getting the chop and change. Anyway it has left me worrying that having a loving, procreative relationship and being transsexual may be mutually exclusive. I desperately don’t want to have to choose between two lifelong dreams, especially when there is a ray of hope that it might be possible to have them both. But maybe it is that hope which is the lie, that I am deceiving myself and setting myself up for a fall the likes of which will be difficult to recover from emotionally speaking.
Today I also had the unpleasant experience of having my comments deleted off Facebook, twice! One was a discussion of the merits of Islam in comparison to Christianity. I made some cogent points as to exactly why Islam sucks. Namely deeply disquieting things to be found in the Koran and the state of the Islamic world and called out the people who say “well Christians have done bad things too” for the moral equivalent BS that it is. There is a difference between Muslims and Islam and Christians and Christianity, but that doesn’t mean the religions are of equal merit. Anyway this pithy and incisive conversation was deleted into the ether for all time and I’m obviously not capable of reproducing it here. But it strikes me as the all too common response of liberals who get their worldview challenged. To stick their fingers in their ears and sing NER NER NE NER NER I’M NOT LISTENING and totally shut down the debate.
The second instance was slightly more bizarre, a beautiful picture of the annunciation was posted:
And I had the temerity to say that I thought Gabriel’s dress was really pretty and that I wanted one! and when the person who posted the picture asked if I was mocking the Archangel I said no! I just like his dress… then that was deleted too. Come on people; why you so transphobic? I’m not sure Angels even have gender divides anyway? I’m sure Archangel Gabriel is secure in his sexuality whatever that may be. But just look at that pink gown, its sooo pretty!
As an aside in all my imaginings of the future, for this science fiction book I’m always telling myself I’m going to write, but never do and probably never will, I imagine people flying to work with wings worn on their backs. Everyone lives in skyscrapers, the whole planet is covered with them, and they are all ridiculously tall, and wings are obviously the best way to get around. Anyway that idea has probably been had before, but if not, you heard it here first, its my idea! No stealing it!
Oh and also a friend, who sadly probably isn’t going to remain a friend much longer, came out with a strange anti-Catholic slur on a combox under a video of a heretical Episcopalian Bishop talking about how there is no Hell and the Church is just a form of social control and that’s why it talks about hell. The Church doesn’t talk about hell nearly as much as Jesus did. It certainly isn’t possible to scare people into faith, God isn’t some big monster in the sky shouting “Love me or burn for all eternity”. What a sick religion that would be.
Anyway I’ve been thinking about it and I think that anticatholicism and antisemitism are similar in some ways. Judaism is a religion first and a racial grouping second, so there is much more than just racial hatred in antisemitism, it seems to have that extra zesty hatred to it, and it seems to me that anticatholicism also has this extra zesty hatred to it and people don’t realise how deeply ingrained in this country’s culture anticatholic bigotry is until you become Catholic and experience it first hand.
Antisemitism seems to go along the lines of: Those filthy, clever Jews, running the world, making money off the backs of us, they are so hard working, and educated, grrrr, and their religion spawned the moral system that makes me feel bad for doing all the naughty things that I want to do. And this is where it intersects with anti-Catholicism, Catholicism, that ‘foreign religion’ filled with superstition, that is so theologically coherent and the basis of my Christian belief, its just a form of social control, yet it didn’t control all those paedophile priests! grrr! they are all hypocrites unlike me, I’m a good Christian, I hate them so much!
Riiiiiiight. Ok then. Yes. It strikes me that almost all deep hatred’s are irrational. Christopher Hitchens once said “religion poisons everything” how can an intelligent and well read man have said something so crass? What about Mozart and Bach? Michelangelo and Caravaggio? Cathedrals? never mind all the countless acts of good will that Christians are inspired to do by their faith. It is this tunnel vision which people cling to, because living in the truth is more of a challenge. A saying I like is this: An atheist can’t find God like a thief can’t find a policeman.
Anyway on less profound matters but equally distressing, the cheap Premium ASDA beer, that is the only booze someone as poor as me can afford, has just dropped in quality (and strength) its such a shame, it was literally my favourite lager and at £7 a crate it was fantastic, now sadly less so.
Finally it is glaringly obvious that virtually all I ever do on this blog is moan about things, a friend of mine has a blog and she ends every post with a list of ten things she is thankful about. Which is clearly a discipline I need help with. I think all the positivity will make my head explode but here goes:
1, Beer in the fridge.
2, Chatting to a lovely woman on skype this very second who I’ve been enamored with for several years at this stage.
3, My wonderful friend Lizzi, the author of the above mentioned blog.
4, My faith and the Church, I couldn’t get to Sunday Mass and I miss it so badly, but maybe I can get to a weekday Mass as soon as I’m feeling better!
5, Joining geeks everywhere in laughing at the imminent total failure of the new Microsoft games console, mockingly named the Xbone. This is what happens when you try to shaft your customer base Microsoft. Aaaaaaaaaah delicious schadenfreude!
6, Joining geeks everywhere in noticing that Sony’s new console, the PS4 isn’t making the same hideous mistakes and is going to take Microsoft to the cleaners. Well done Sony!
7, Borderlands 2, its just quite entertaining.
8, Pretty dresses
9, Velvet stockings! 😮 😀
10, Being out and proud as a transsexual Catholic! (well on here anyway, I haven’t told anyone at my parish!)