I want to do it all over again!

So then, the CHANGE MY ENTIRE LIFE PLAN, is quite hard to activate.  I had a good night out at a free gig this weekend, lots of booze, lots of music, some of which was indeed pretty pretty good. It was rocking. Spent far too much money but hey.

I also want to talk about the negativity in my life, I mean I am depressed, I am melancholic. At what stage is this infectious? at what stage do I start harming the people around me? I recently had a bizarre tiff with someone I love, the gist of which is that they are perhaps, at this moment in time, in an even more negative place than I am. Is it ok to talk about this in a blog or is it boring? is it draining to read this? I don’t want to be a vampire, I want to shield the people I love from harm, especially from harm that emanates from myself.

How many Catholics focus on the thou shalt nots over the joy of the gospel? This is serious stuff here, how do we evangelise in the real world, which is filled with sin? how do we talk about the joy of the gospel to people who are neck deep in a world that is built to confuse the human heart? I don’t have the answer. I try my best, I talk about God to swingers and heathens alike. But I know anything I sow needs God to nurture and I am not good at prayer.

If anyone wants to go to heaven, ask yourself this simple question, how much do you pray? if you don’t want to talk to God then how much do you want to spend eternity with him? I mean really?

Anyway, yes, negativity, I’m sorry, it is a sin, perhaps as a depressive riddled with mental illness I’m less culpable for how negative I am. But I don’t want to be, I want to change. I want to change EVERYTHING!

One of my favourite episodes of Babylon 5 is the episode where the Dr realises he has been chasing a chimera his whole life, he has been living a lie, his response. I WANT TO DO IT ALL OVER AGAIN!  not make the same mistakes again, but re embrace life. That is what we are called to do through the gospel every day. Do it all over again, every day, yes its going to hurt, yes we are going to make some of the same mistakes again, that is why we have confession, but we need to do it all over again. As long as we have this desire we will eventually get to heaven.


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