I have a tale of woe, it is mine, if you don’t have the energy for listening to a tale of woe or you think its self centered of me to relay it here then read on no further!
This last 48 hours have been some of the worst in my life. My claim for the ESA was completely dismissed on the grounds that I was trying to claim for the same reason I was turned down six months ago.
This despite the fact that my Jobcenter disability adviser had assured me that it was more than six months since I’d been signed off ESA and that since my health had deteriorated this was not grounds to dismiss my claim. (Not to mention I’d have appealed the first decision if I’d known that was a realistic option)
So anyway, as soon as I lodged the claim for ESA roughly a month ago I checked out… not able to keep on top of the process and make sure I knew what was going on due to mental health issues. Anyway it comes to now, and the lack of money is suddenly an issue, my rent is due and I do not have the money to pay it. They had not sent me a single letter informing me of the state of my claim. So in other words I need to appeal this decision and that appeal absolutely has to be successful otherwise I am totally and utterly shafted.
Secondly my mum is really not taking the news of my transsexuality well at all, please pray for her. I need her on my side more than ever before, especially since I have lost another close friend in the last few 24 hours due to, as far as I am can tell, mental health issues. Please pray for my friend, or more accurately speaking, ex friend, because it seems they now believe me to be the root of all evil. I feel so alone, so broken, so useless and at my lowest ebb in a very long time. What is it about being at a low ebb that seems to invite anger from others? seems to invite attack? I remember I lost another friend the last time I was at a low ebb when they decided to kick me when I was down. So please pray for me I can’t take any more, I’ve been running on empty for so very long now.