I’ve escaped from the Lindisfarne loony bin!

It was great to get away from it all, but now I am back to earth with a thud, parts of my life are now better ordered, and parts are worse… on returning from the hinterland I’ve discovered a gargantuan electricity bill has made my rent bounce (so I get a nice extra £6 kick in the teeth bank charge). This last two weeks I’ve been sleeping so much, the silence was superb, turned down the volume in my brain a notch, I return to a flat where the cretins above and below are having their warm up parties, and I’m sure at 3am they’ll be having their pill fueled wind down parties.

On researching the word cretin, Apparently it comes from 18th century Swiss French for Christian as a reminder that we should treat morons with charity. But alas Mr 18th Century Swiss French dude, I still wish for a grenade chute I can use to frag my most tiresome of neighbours. Reminds me of a Chesterton quote, “The Bible tells us to love our neighbors, and also to love our enemies; probably because generally they are the same people.”

Moving swiftly on, I have new medication, again, also extra extra sleep inducing, not sure this keyboard counts as operating heavy machinery though so we’re fine for the moment… if you see a long string of letters you know I’ve gone face first. Anti depressants are not the solution to the problem but I think they tone down the symptoms a notch, It may even be a placebo effect but every little helps.

The sum total of my achievements this last two weeks have been fixing a laptop. Considering it wouldn’t even boot up when I got my paws on it, now it is working a treat, I’ve even given it an animated desktop background of raining Matrix code… It looks fantastic and it wasn’t easy to do. (Actually changed it to a moving clockwork motif, less garish) I also filed some paperwork with the DWP, pray people, pray my dear readers! pray like you’ve never prayed about paperwork before! Pray that this paperwork is borne by the hands of angels unto sympathetic eyes otherwise I really do not know what I’ll do, I’m sure an even greater nervous breakdown will ensue.

I hold forth a toast! here’s to you o’ most hallowed of readers! you who have struggled through great many posts filled with woeful lamentations, you veritable Addonis/Aphrodite, YOU deserve an award! I like to think that my blog is a little like Saville Row in that it deigns not to sully itself with anything so degrading or crass as self promotion, those who need to know already come here, those who don’t know are probably better off. (Sadly its more probable that its like Skegness, few seek out this corner of the world but some people keep coming back for seemingly no discernible reason, hypnosis perhaps?)

Anyway I believe YOU the reader, yes you Derek, (just messing with the head of anyone called Derek out there) YOU are the cream of the crop of the perusers of blogs, you wonderful and saintly people who are destined to wander the road less traveled. Be you close personal friends, or bizarre people as yet unknown to me who take a peculiar interest in the inner workings of my broken brain. I do often forget anyone reads my shinobi secret messages (occasionally with dire consequence) but not today, so yes you most marvelous viewer of detritus! I salute YE!

Now for something completely different, last week I watched a TV show on More 4 about UFO’s. I have more than a passing interest, once having seen one myself. The program backed the theory that they were and still are classified US aircraft. The U2 and SR-71 spy planes, the F117 and B2 stealth bombers, and the rumored Aurora project (reputedly capable of Mach 8.) The only evidence the TV show could produce for the existence of the latter being a vapour trail originating in area 51 which circumnavigated the globe at ludicrous speed, picked up by a weather satellite. The CIA has only recently admitted the existence of the groom lake air base (area 51) which is perhaps what prompted me to watch it.

But the UFO I saw completely defied the laws of physics, it hovered silently (which is perfectly possible) but then it went from stationary to ballistic with no period of acceleration, still completely silently, which to my knowledge isn’t within the bounds of current scientific understanding. It was big, silvery grey and shaped like a cigar holder with seemingly no aerodynamic properties. My sighting was nearly fifteen years ago now, perhaps the classified technology has carried on developing? But that much? No I don’t think so. Honestly the thing it resembled most was a Guild heighliner as seen in the David Lynch Dune Film (seems there isn’t a good picture for me to link to on that subject! so this will have to do http://www.angelfire.com/hi/cesarano/images/spaceloading.jpg)

Maybe the reason it didn’t accelerate was because it was folding space? I know I’ve completely lost everyone who hasn’t read the first 3 Dune novels by this point, to which I would say, GO READ THEM! They are superb, don’t worry about understanding everything right off the bat, just dive into the unique universe Frank Herbert envisioned, and marvel at every psychedelic detail. (book four five and six are a bit of a mixed bag and the books not written by Frank Herbert are to be avoided like a nasty mother in law carrying the Ebola virus.)

To all the people who struggle with Dune, I’ll remind you the first spoken words in Star Wars were “Did you hear that? They’ve shut down the main reactor. We’ll
be destroyed for sure!” followed by some incomprehensible whistling from R2D2 (which I prefer to interpret as a foulmouthed diatribe against the Empire and gaudily clad cowardly camp androids) None of the first fifteen minutes of the film make any sense in and of themselves, that’s probably why George Lucas stooped to the ultimate directorial cop out and gave the film a screen of scrolling text for the intro. Scrolling text that scrolled the tiniest tad too fast that my dyslexia addled brain could never quite read it to the end. Nice one George. But verily he throws us into the Star Wars narrative with the Tantive 4 (That’s the name of the rebel spaceship for all you not of the geek persuasion) landing itself in the Darth Vader shaped cacky and leaves us the viewer to figure it all out. So yes, just dive into Dune, let it wash over you, it will all make sense eventually and it’ll BLOW YOUR FREAKING MIND!

Anyway this is turning into a bit of a bipolar brain safari isn’t it? Keeping up? Maybe I should leave it there. God bless you all and pray for me a shinobi.

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2 thoughts on “I’ve escaped from the Lindisfarne loony bin!

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