Taking the happy pills?

Well I’ve gotten to the stage where I urgently need some form of intervention. Three months in a row I’ve told my GP that I’m not getting better and he keeps telling me “come back in a month”. I’ve already been on Mirtazapine for several months so as far as I’m concerned this is totally unacceptable. This is made worse by the fact that I know there are pharmacological solutions out there that simply aren’t being explored. So I think I’m going to buy from an internet pharmacy. Modafinil and Bupropion. The first to keep me awake and help me concentrate, the second to work in combination with Mirtazapine.

Is this a drastic thing to do? yes. But right now I don’t care about anything anymore, I’ve been depressed so long now that I’ve forgotten what happiness feels like. I love reading and watching films but can’t concentrate long enough to do either, haven’t been able to do so for some time now and I’m sleeping my life away. So if I keel over and die you know why and this will have turned out to be a mistake. But honestly I would rather die now than live the rest of my life with this illness. If I die blame the NHS for its appallingly unimaginative treatment of depression.

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