Curse my rotten luck

This last few days I’ve been chatting and flirting with a guy, getting really excited about how compatible we are, how cute he is, that he seemed interested in me and not bothered that I am transsexual. Well it turns out he’s asexual. Curse my rotten luck. Looks like we’ll be friends but the flirting really gave me different ideas.

As a transsexual I’ve gotten used to the idea that I’ll be perpetually single, at least until I can pass as a woman (which might be never) then I get a glimpse of hope, only to be swiftly dashed. I know this is a grim and counter productive thought, but sometimes it really does feel like its better to have no hope at all than to have hopes that are dashed. I now understand why people have casual sex, because it is better than a crushing sense of loneliness.

It may be awful but denouncing casual sex can seem a bit like snatching food from someone who hasn’t eaten for five days because they are about to eat a burger and its unhealthy. If we want to deal with casual sex in our culture then we need to deal with the starvation of love that people experience every day.

It is only when we focus on God’s love for us that we can recognise the junk food for what it is and how it harms us. Also if Catholicism had a stronger sense of community, like I’m told it used to, that would be good. It would be nice if Catholics wanted to socialise a bit more. Then again it’d probably be bingo and charismatic prayer meetings. Talking of which I actually had a nightmare about a charismatic prayer meeting in my parish last night… eeeep!

World news is relentlessly grim at the moment isn’t it? its coming to the stage where I should probably sacrifice my savant like knowledge of world events for the sake of my own sanity. You only become ever increasingly aware of how badly the world is governed. That a group as blatantly evil as ISIS can take over a huge swathe of land, murdering anyone who doesn’t conform to their sick world view, and the free world does little to nothing.

A couple of bombing runs isn’t going to do it Mr Obama and Mr Cameron. A couple of months of relentless death from above might not do it either but it would be less laughable. If we are against the spread of evil then we need to get serious and saddle up, if not we should shut up and mind our own business like the abject bystanders that we are.

The problems over there will soon be exported to us via terrorism, it will take another large scale terrorist attack to rouse the West from our apathy and isolationism. People will say “why wasn’t something done?” probably the very same people who did nothing and advocated doing nothing and denounced anyone who advocated doing something.

In other depressing news Robin Williams has killed himself. Depression is an awful thing, and I guess my depression is relatively mild in comparison. As a Christian it is good to know that my life isn’t my own to take. It does not belong to me, it belongs to Jesus. This knowledge has kept me from doing the worst when everything has seemed black and for that I can only ever be eternally grateful to my religion. I will never abandon Catholicism because in my darkest hours it has never abandoned me. Pray for the repose of his soul and his assuredly devastated family.

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